71 grants “coincidental” says Pres -

Nevertheless, the campus is awash in
persistent rumours that more than one
college group may have been let in on the
cash bonanza. Beaver Foods cafeteria
manager Barbara Renaud points to the
enormous number of $20 bills that have
been tying up the North and South Cafe
cashiers over the last couple of months,
while Maintenance employee Ash Barton
noted the long lineups at the bank machine
which had reached as far as the bus stop
by the end of February, and the Bookstore
by the end of March. Curiousty, though, no
witnesses have been found who can identify
any of the persons in these lineups as
either college students or employees.

In the Financial Services office where
staff members were having a celebratory
lunch in honour of an unexpected budget

surplus at the end of the fiscal year, top
officials had little to say. "I have
nothing to say," said accountant Alan Ng.
But an unnamed Dean in his office across
the hall was overheard remarking to

Personnel assistant Sandy Chester: "So

that's how Marie's been coming up with
money all this time. I did wonder about

the shopping bags full of cash."

A check in the Purchasing department
showed an unusual amount of activity in
the last month. "We thought it was just

the year end rush until Ken Hughes ordered
two new custom vans, assorted power tools,
and an addition to K building with offices,
ensuite bathrooms, sauna, hot tub, and a
walk-in refrigerator," said Buyer, Rilla
Hallwood. "Oh, and ten cases of Cuban
cigars."

"Come to think of it," added Jo Dunlop,
"Don Basham just came in and asked for a
quote on a rescue helicopter... Hmmm."

In the Financial Aid Office, Connie Gibbs
denied any previous knowledge of the
windfall, but admitted that it had been a
good semester for bursaries. “The hundred
and ninety-five Paul Casselman Memorial
Bursaries of $200 really helped out," she
said. She declined to mention the source
of the money, saying that the donor
preferred to remain anonymous.

“outstanding community support”

Also remaining anonymous at this time are
the donors of $150,000 to the library,
$100,000 to the Westcoast Reader, $75,000
to the Capilano Review, $10,000 to the Art
Scholarship fund, $20,000 to the Native
Student Centre, $200,000 to the Business
Management Students' Club, and funding for
a greenhouse for the Landscape Program,
additions to the Dynamics Lab, Daycare
Centre and Theatre Lab, and grants to the
Modern Languages Department for educational
field trips to Mexico City, Paris and
Munich.

No one from the Music Department was
available for an interview as they were
all busy unloading the three grand pianos
which have just arrived. "Can't you see
that we're busy?" said Carol McQuarrie.

"Go away!"

Director of Planning for Capilano, Alan
Smith, noted that this unfortunate
incident will result in a change of plans
for the College. "In view of all this
negative publicity, we have withdrawn our
requests for bank machines for the Sechelt
and Squamish campuses, and are also
cancelling the requests for further such
services at Lynnmour from the Bank of
Montreal, Royal Bank, Toronto Dominion,
Bank of Nova Scotia, Bank of B.C., Canada
Trust, Van City Savings, North Shore Credit
Union and B.C.T.C.U."

"And I want to repeat that the unexpected
anonymous donation to the gymnasium fund
in the amount of $300,000 is simply a
coincidence."

Nine Computer Management students have
been released on bail and are awaiting
sentencing in Waikiki. Although they have
been suspended from the program and will
miss final exams, their cumulative marks,
including the A's on their term project,
should allow them to obtain their diplomas.

HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!